Growing up sucks.

                            “It’s okay to be mad but not to be mean.”      

How many times have you been so hurt by someone that all you wanted was for them to feel the same way? Recently I had a falling out with my best friends of 9 years. Over the years we grew older together and by doing that we grew as people together. We were sisters. But this last year we each branched out, made different friends, made different plans for our lives, made different choices. I was growing spiritually and they were making choices with their boyfriends that I highly disagreed with. I was single and I was being put on the backburner with them. No longer were we the three best friends that were attached at the hip. We were three people who never talked, never even saw each other. I didn’t know how to vocalize my frustration with them. So I did what came easy. I talked about them. Every little thing that ever annoyed me about them got blown out of proportion. Unfortunately I didn’t think about how they would feel if they ever heard what I was saying. And even more unfortunately, they did hear about it. Through many events of making up, briefly being friends again then being angry over something, we are no longer friends. And I can’t help but look back on this last year and think that if I didn’t act the way I did would we still be friends. That even though they didn’t make any effort to keep the friendship going, I could have. I could have pushed harder. Apologized more. Not held so many grudges.

But then I think of Heavenly Fathers plan for me. I was baptized about a week after our final fall out. Would they have been there if we were still friends? Probably not. And that’s the thing I think about. That day, I made a promise to be a different person. To live my life differently. They were apart of my life for so long that it would have been hard to change while I was with them. They represented everything I didn’t want to be anymore. I still care about them. In my mind, we’re still family. But I’m on a path that they can’t go on unless they make some changes that their not willing to. 

In the end, I sent a message to one of them expressing exactly what I wrote here. And that through the years, I hope we can talk every now and then and see where life has taken us. She never responded. I didn’t expect it and I told her so, but out of everything that pained me the most.     

  1. beingmormon posted this